We've Got Resilience Wrong: why "bouncing back" isn't helpful.
If you are a fan of the Rocky movies, you already know this classic model for resilience:
“…it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!” Rocky Balboa
Every single Rocky movie, except for one, conforms to this idea. If you can stand toe to toe, often with a bigger or better opponent and make it to the end, then you are a winner.
(Warning: spoilers for each of the Rocky movies are coming up)
(…seriously? You haven’t seen the Rocky movies? Bless your heart…)
In the first film, Rocky defies the odds and lasts all 15 rounds with the champ, Apollo Creed. He is barely recognizable at the end of the fight due to the beating he took, but the whole crowd applauds his courage and determination.
In the second film, Rocky and Apollo face off in a highly anticipated rematch. After a double knock-out in the final round, Rocky stands up just in time to claim the belt. Again, barely recognizable.
***We’ll revisit Rocky III in a moment***
In the fourth film, Rocky goes the distance and defeats a giant Russian fighter that had killed his former rival-turned-friend, Apollo, with a vicious knockout punch earlier in the film. At times during the fight, everyone feared the Russian fighter might do the same to Rocky.
In Rocky V, dealing with the trauma and physical after-effects of the brutal fight against Drago in the previous film, Rocky is forced to retire. But, after being betrayed by a younger would-be protégé, he ends up teaching him a lesson in the street — with his fists!
Finally, in Rocky Balboa, the final film in the series, Rocky, now aged, accepts a challenge to come out of retirement to face the current champion to see if he’s still got it. This is when he gives his son his famous advice on winning: “It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward…” Rocky defies the odds and lasts all 12 rounds with the champ, and in typical Rocky fashion, you can barely recognize him at the end of the fight after standing toe-to-toe with the younger, stronger champion.
Back to Rocky III — the one Rocky film that departs from this pattern: After becoming the World Heavyweight Champion in Rocky II, he faces his greatest challenge in the third film. Rocky must face a hard-hitting and intimidating challenger that has risen through the rankings. A pre-fight scuffle ends up giving Rocky’s manager a fatal heart-attack, and a devastated Rocky gets knocked out in the fight — losing his belt and bringing him to the lowest point in his life.
Rocky’s rival from the first two films, Apollo, now his friend, comes alongside Rocky before the rematch with some advice: Apollo told him that he had to change his fighting style.
“If you stand toe-to-toe with this bum, he’ll kill you. It doesn’t take a man to stand there and get your head beat off…! He’s just a man, Rock, so be MORE man than him!” Apollo Creed
Rocky had to change.
We are often tempted to believe steadfastness lies at the heart of resilience — an unchanging, unmoving resolve to win. It sounds right, and it’s tempting to buy into it. But look what it got Rocky: his years of standing toe-to-toe resulted in brain damage and early retirement.
It’s no wonder so many of us buy into this expectation for resilience. Google “resilience,” and this is what you will find:
1. The capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
2. The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.
Oxford Languages would have us believe that you are resilient when you “withstand difficulties” and quickly recover. The image is of a rubber ball bouncing back into shape. Like nothing ever happened!
But that is not how psychologists define resilience.
According to the American Psychology Association (APA), resilience is “the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.”
Withstanding adversity is just coping, which is synonymous with “managing,” “getting by” or “making do.” Yet we want to do more than just endure difficulties and get by. Especially when dealing with trauma or risk to life, employing a flexible way of thinking is required to thrive.
Resilience is about change, and it is often one’s underlying belief system about his or her identity that will dictate one’s ability to change when faced with adversity. When that underlying belief system is dominated by things like guilt, shame, resentment, anxiety or stress, the ability to change is severely hampered.
If, instead, one’s underlying belief system about identity is predicated on positive strengths like adaptability, positivity or empathy, the capacity for change is greatly enhanced.
In an article published on psychologytoday.com, Leah Marone, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Psychotherapist wrote that “building resilience begins with increasing your self-awareness,” and that “individuals with high levels of self-awareness and self-connection tend to be the most resilient people on the planet.”
This is right in line with what Kaleo Coaching aspires to do by introducing people and teams to their innate talents through Gallup’s CliftonStrengths.
Rocky actually put it very well at the end of Rocky IV:
“If I can change, and you can change, everybody can change!”
Resilience is about change, and increasing self-awareness is where it begins.
Contact us if you or your organization would benefit from hearing more about CliftonStrengths and resilience, or if you’d like to know more about leading your team through strengths-based workshops to better prepare to adapt and adjust to the adversity you may face as you work towards your goals.
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